Monday, January 26, 2009
Study results soon to be published
The results of a study that spanned 27 years, 4 countries and 18 major pediatric research facilities were finally released to the public on Monday, January 26th 2009. After exhaustive research and unprecedented funding, the study proved conclusively that "Mama's little baby does, indeed, love shortnin' bread".
Friday, January 2, 2009
Photogenic Phil
Phil D'Argent was the single most photographed person in the history of the art. (Or craft, depending on one's perspective.)
Phil was not a model or a star. He wasn't exceedingly handsome nor bewilderingly ugly. He was neither famous nor infamous. He was not a narcissist obsessed with his own visage. In fact, he had never paid to have a photo taken. As a child, his father had worked for the service that took class pictures, so even those had been free.
He was simply forever in the shutters way.
Family photos the world over, spanning the 32 years of his life, contained Phil in different ages and settings. An unwitting participant in their snapshot of history.
On a recent week-long trip to Miami with friends he was photographed over 600 times. 15 of those photos were taken by his friends.
Only 7 were intentional.
The staged photos that occupy new frames frequently featured Phil in the background. Albeit mostly as a fuzzy, unrecognizable figure.
Phil had no idea that he was so well documented. No one did. It was simply one of those great universal facts.
One day on a whim with his girlfriend, Phil decided to get a souvenir photo taken of them in one of those little booths. It wouldn't accept his dollar bill. It wouldn't take his girlfriends bill either. He didn't give it a second thought.
A week later he went to get a photo taken for a a passport. The photographers studio had closed due to illness.
Three days thereafter his company implemented a new identification card system and he obediently qued up to get his photo taken. The machine jammed and failed when it was his turn.
The next day he went to a different portrait palace in pursuit of his passport pic. He wasn't able to make it anywhere near the store due to the crowds and emergency vehicles. The small store was ablaze.
As he dejectedly turned from the commotion, Phil came to the conclusion that he simply wasn't going to be able to get a photo taken, no matter where or for what the reason.
During those 10 minutes he was photographed 58 times by gawkers and reporters attracted to the diminuitive disaster.
He was on the front page of the local paper the next day.
It was the third time that month.
Phil was not a model or a star. He wasn't exceedingly handsome nor bewilderingly ugly. He was neither famous nor infamous. He was not a narcissist obsessed with his own visage. In fact, he had never paid to have a photo taken. As a child, his father had worked for the service that took class pictures, so even those had been free.
He was simply forever in the shutters way.
Family photos the world over, spanning the 32 years of his life, contained Phil in different ages and settings. An unwitting participant in their snapshot of history.
On a recent week-long trip to Miami with friends he was photographed over 600 times. 15 of those photos were taken by his friends.
Only 7 were intentional.
The staged photos that occupy new frames frequently featured Phil in the background. Albeit mostly as a fuzzy, unrecognizable figure.
Phil had no idea that he was so well documented. No one did. It was simply one of those great universal facts.
One day on a whim with his girlfriend, Phil decided to get a souvenir photo taken of them in one of those little booths. It wouldn't accept his dollar bill. It wouldn't take his girlfriends bill either. He didn't give it a second thought.
A week later he went to get a photo taken for a a passport. The photographers studio had closed due to illness.
Three days thereafter his company implemented a new identification card system and he obediently qued up to get his photo taken. The machine jammed and failed when it was his turn.
The next day he went to a different portrait palace in pursuit of his passport pic. He wasn't able to make it anywhere near the store due to the crowds and emergency vehicles. The small store was ablaze.
As he dejectedly turned from the commotion, Phil came to the conclusion that he simply wasn't going to be able to get a photo taken, no matter where or for what the reason.
During those 10 minutes he was photographed 58 times by gawkers and reporters attracted to the diminuitive disaster.
He was on the front page of the local paper the next day.
It was the third time that month.
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